Your “Ism” piece is gritty, raw, and real, an antidote to the marketplace’s otherwise gravely lacking essays. Having experienced rehab, three or four of the 12 steps, and a year of day-to-day life under the thumb of addictions’ carnal potential, I intimately relate to the frustrating flood of glamorized jargon. I hope to read more of your ‘life with addiction’ stories.
I read your article “I want to have a baby.” Congratulations on your new baby with your husband or almost husband! While this no longer applies to you, I have one important thought about deciding to have a baby without a dad. What’s your opinion of ‘dead-beat dads’? You know, the dads who impregnate a woman and then disappear, ones who don’t financially support these babies/kids and who don’t participate in raising these kids. If your opinion of dead-beat dads is negative, well then a woman deciding to eliminate the father in the kid’s life is setting up the same scenario, on purpose. Yes, the dad could always get cancer and die, or die in a car accident, or whatever, but the single mom doesn’t even give that baby the chance to have a real daddy. Yes, you can have very supportive grandparents, and aunts and uncles, but most babies have that in addition to a daddy. I see the decision to purposefully rob a baby of having a daddy as morally wrong for these reasons. It is best for children to be raised with both a mommy and a daddy. Can they grow up fine without one or the other? Yes, but it’s much, much better with both parents. It just seems so self-centered to do it without a dad. Why not adopt a foster child? Many of them are lucky to ever get even one parent. I’m sure my opinion here will be very unpopular, so I’d appreciate respect for my opinion, as I respect your opinion. It’s just an idea to think about. Good luck with your new family!
Thank you for reaching out and for phrasing your perspective in an inquisitive and open manner that invites dialogue. I think the scenario of a so-called dead-beat dad is entirely different than that of a single parent–one abandons the child while the other assumes full responsibility. In one scenario, a person enters into parenthood expecting the support of another person; in the other scenario, they enter with the understanding and agreement that they will be operating without that support, for whatever reason. But I ultimately think my personal opinion on single parents and “dead-beat” parents is irrelevant. I think it’s about challenging our own ideas of what a family should look like. People make the decisions that are best for them and their families, and I think it’s up to the community around them to offer the support to make those situations as successful as possible. While I agree that children need positive role models and relationships with people of across the gender spectrum, I disagree that it’s best for a child to be raised by a mom and dad. I know a number of children and now-adults who are or were raised by same-sex couples, and are thriving. The more we accept and include non-traditional family structures, the more support and love those children and families get, which helps everyone. The idea of a nuclear family as the end-all-be-all is a damaging and unhelpful one. And ultimately, the decision to have a child is always a self-centered one, when there are other children in the world in need. One could point a heterosexual couple to the same hypothetical foster child in need. Is it only heterosexual couples with supportive extended family who should be allowed the privilege to raise their own children? Is it only so-called needy children who should have single parents? I just think we need to expand our ideas of what family looks like and offer non-traditional family structures the same respect, acceptance and support as more traditional ones, because that support is crucial for any family, heterosexual or not, two-parented or one, etc.
Lauren Quinn 
Your “Ism” piece is gritty, raw, and real, an antidote to the marketplace’s otherwise gravely lacking essays. Having experienced rehab, three or four of the 12 steps, and a year of day-to-day life under the thumb of addictions’ carnal potential, I intimately relate to the frustrating flood of glamorized jargon. I hope to read more of your ‘life with addiction’ stories.
I read your article “I want to have a baby.” Congratulations on your new baby with your husband or almost husband! While this no longer applies to you, I have one important thought about deciding to have a baby without a dad. What’s your opinion of ‘dead-beat dads’? You know, the dads who impregnate a woman and then disappear, ones who don’t financially support these babies/kids and who don’t participate in raising these kids. If your opinion of dead-beat dads is negative, well then a woman deciding to eliminate the father in the kid’s life is setting up the same scenario, on purpose. Yes, the dad could always get cancer and die, or die in a car accident, or whatever, but the single mom doesn’t even give that baby the chance to have a real daddy. Yes, you can have very supportive grandparents, and aunts and uncles, but most babies have that in addition to a daddy. I see the decision to purposefully rob a baby of having a daddy as morally wrong for these reasons. It is best for children to be raised with both a mommy and a daddy. Can they grow up fine without one or the other? Yes, but it’s much, much better with both parents. It just seems so self-centered to do it without a dad. Why not adopt a foster child? Many of them are lucky to ever get even one parent. I’m sure my opinion here will be very unpopular, so I’d appreciate respect for my opinion, as I respect your opinion. It’s just an idea to think about. Good luck with your new family!
Thank you for reaching out and for phrasing your perspective in an inquisitive and open manner that invites dialogue. I think the scenario of a so-called dead-beat dad is entirely different than that of a single parent–one abandons the child while the other assumes full responsibility. In one scenario, a person enters into parenthood expecting the support of another person; in the other scenario, they enter with the understanding and agreement that they will be operating without that support, for whatever reason. But I ultimately think my personal opinion on single parents and “dead-beat” parents is irrelevant. I think it’s about challenging our own ideas of what a family should look like. People make the decisions that are best for them and their families, and I think it’s up to the community around them to offer the support to make those situations as successful as possible. While I agree that children need positive role models and relationships with people of across the gender spectrum, I disagree that it’s best for a child to be raised by a mom and dad. I know a number of children and now-adults who are or were raised by same-sex couples, and are thriving. The more we accept and include non-traditional family structures, the more support and love those children and families get, which helps everyone. The idea of a nuclear family as the end-all-be-all is a damaging and unhelpful one. And ultimately, the decision to have a child is always a self-centered one, when there are other children in the world in need. One could point a heterosexual couple to the same hypothetical foster child in need. Is it only heterosexual couples with supportive extended family who should be allowed the privilege to raise their own children? Is it only so-called needy children who should have single parents? I just think we need to expand our ideas of what family looks like and offer non-traditional family structures the same respect, acceptance and support as more traditional ones, because that support is crucial for any family, heterosexual or not, two-parented or one, etc.